POSTED BY: Bowzer
I figured I would share a little piece of wisdom that I picked up at the bar this past weekend. I only wish that I could take the credit for such a revolutionary idea, one that I predict will turn the people rating system industry on its axis.
So we’ve all been there, guys and gals. You’re standing there at the bar, and all of the sudden a member of the opposite sex walks in that you have never met. Immediately you turn to your group of friends, and what do you do? Only the most completely superficial thing known to mankind: reduce that person’s aggregate self-worth to a number between 1-10.
Now we all know the inherent problems with the traditional 1-10 rating system. Sure it’s simple, but how do you come up with one number to describe the intricate differences between various people? Surely not all 7’s or 8’s or 9’s are created equal. While some people utilize the decimal system to help with this problem, it just isn’t enough. Now let me introduce you to the area code system.
Okay, here is how it works. Every human being on the planet can be adequately described using a three-digit number (i.e. area code). The first digit denotes the rating of how attractive the face is (0-9). The second digit describes whether you would sleep with that person or not (0=no, 1=yes). And finally, the third digit describes how attractive the person’s body is (0-9). It’s a discrete and yet simple way to judge others in public without actually meeting them. Lets put this brand new rating system into practice, ladies and gentlemen, using celebrities that we are all familiar with:
Sarah Jessica Parker
Area Code Rating: 518
Rationale: Let’s be real, the huge nose and that mole just aren’t helping out her face’s cause. But her body is admittedly nice, and I’m pretty sure I could talk other girls into riding the tricycle with me and SJP just because she was on Sex and the City.
Anna Nicole Smith
Area Code Rating: 813
Rationale: First of all, it’s been long enough, I’m allowed to make fun of her. Secondly, in her playmate days, Anna Nicole Smith was hands down a 919. But anyone who watched the Anna Nicole Show knew she eventually ballooned to walrus proportions. I gave her a second digit “1″ for the fact that if she was still alive she would be a great hookup for painkillers.
Kate Hudson
Area Code Rating: 919
Rationale: She is the hottest girl on the planet. This is essentially the same person as goldenlocks [Editor's Note - goldenlocks was a guest author on this site who is no longer with us. He was a dude with long, blonde hair] except female, attractive, down-to-earth, and not heading to rehab anytime soon. Please note that a 919 is “Kate Hudson hot.” Please only reserve this rating for girls that truly deserve it. So yeah, that swamp donkey sitting in the corner of the bar that you think is “kinda sorta cute” at closing time after too many pints? NOT a 919.
Rosie O'Donnell
Area Code Rating: 000
Rationale: Ummm, I think we all understand the area code rating system by now.
70 responses so far ↓
Song of the Week 3/4 | My Music Reviews // July 15, 2008 at 9:09 pm |
[...] http://putupyourdukes.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/the-area-code-rating-system-why-1-10-just-isnt-enough... [...]
Dave // July 16, 2008 at 1:33 am |
This was a great read, and truly enlightening! lol
Thanks for a new way to rate.
Justin Hernandez // July 16, 2008 at 1:33 am |
Too funny
Javakilla // July 16, 2008 at 1:34 am |
I propose an extension to the area code system.
The middle digit should also have a “3″ denoting a person you would probably sleep with if drunk.
tom // July 16, 2008 at 1:48 am |
lmao, 000 for the fatty
FuzzLinks.com » Screw rating girls on a 1-10 scale, This system is much better! // July 16, 2008 at 2:07 am |
[...] http://putupyourdukes.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/the-area-code-rating-system-why-1-10-just-isnt-enough... [...]
pood // July 16, 2008 at 2:10 am |
wouldnt that be a “2″ if drunk?
Jim // July 16, 2008 at 2:38 am |
For added fun:
Look up what parts of the US these area code correspond to and call the girls by the close by cities (i.e. 919 = Raleigh, 201 = Jersey City)
Add two more digits for Tits and Ass to make a zip code. Above method can still apply.
You’ll soon realize that only the middle number really matters and revert back to the classic “Would you?”
pete // July 16, 2008 at 2:40 am |
@pood: Javakilla is obviously drunk right now.
Alexander Graham Bell // July 16, 2008 at 2:44 am |
You have to rate face and body at least a 2, because 202 is the lowest-numbered area code.
Please hang up and try your ratings again.
–Alex
Martin // July 16, 2008 at 2:52 am |
I honestly think that Sarah Jessica Parker has the best-looking face AND body out of those four. My verdict:
718, 305, 617, 202
PoPo Jimmy // July 16, 2008 at 2:55 am |
Hmm…. except Kate Hudson isn’t that hot.
cannotfindserver07 // July 16, 2008 at 3:07 am |
Interesting.
Flabber Ghast // July 16, 2008 at 3:09 am |
@Martin: So you’re into bestiality, then.
Dave and Thomas » New Area Code Babe Rating System // July 16, 2008 at 3:23 am |
[...] Now we all know the inherent problems with the traditional 1-10 rating system. Sure it’s simple, but how do you come up with one number to describe the intricate differences between various people? Surely not all 7’s or 8’s or 9’s are created equal. While some people utilize the decimal system to help with this problem, it just isn’t enough. Now let me introduce you to the area code system. [...]
Rebel Without a Sauce // July 16, 2008 at 3:31 am |
Was it ever considered appropriate to say “these go up to eleven” on the old system?
*waves magical wand and disappears*
…hey…I just noticed that “disappears” has the word “pears” in it. Now I’m hungry. :’(
Jimmy James III // July 16, 2008 at 4:15 am |
The middle number should scale, too. As we all know, someone we might not boink at say- 5, actually has a chance in a perfect storm of a dry spell, a BAC of .2, and a slight dip in self esteem.
Jojoo // July 16, 2008 at 4:22 am |
Sarah Jessica Parker. Anyone else here thinks she looks like a man?
I could write a paper on our unconcious homosexual tendencies perhaps?
DCHatesVA // July 16, 2008 at 4:43 am |
The ratings system is flawed for the real man. Real men fuck em all.
antonolsen.com » Blog Archive » The Area Code Rating System: Why 1-10 Just Isn’t Enough // July 16, 2008 at 4:45 am |
[...] The Area Code Rating System: Why 1-10 Just Isn’t Enough Now we all know the inherent problems with the traditional 1-10 rating system. Sure it’s simple, but how do you come up with one number to describe the intricate differences between various people? Surely not all 7’s or 8’s or 9’s are created equal. While some people utilize the decimal system to help with this problem, it just isn’t enough. Now let me introduce you to the area code system. [...]
Kevin // July 16, 2008 at 4:51 am |
My friend actually taught me something similar my senior year of college.
Instead of area codes, we would do years (four numbers).
First number: yes or no
Second number: face
Third number: body
Fourth number: intangibles (personality, smarts, etc)
You could also throw in some funny historical wit like “roaring 20s girl” (1920, f***able, great face, bad body, horrible personality)…etc. This one’s more fun =)
Larry Johnston // July 16, 2008 at 5:43 am |
Sarah Jessica Parker? 001
Hannibal // July 16, 2008 at 6:56 am |
Nice coding system. Discrete, simple and effective.
Raleigh // July 16, 2008 at 7:42 am |
As someone who lives in the 919 area code, I can undeniably say that someone’s actual area code has no correlation to the person’s attractiveness area code.
Telkom // July 16, 2008 at 8:54 am |
OMG, Rosie??!
Can one not perhaps use negatives as well? Giving her a 000 is just no good, -10-10-10 would make me way less anxious
Bill Bacon // July 16, 2008 at 8:58 am |
The best thing is a concept of a ten under your system. “010″
davidleeys // July 16, 2008 at 9:41 am |
Interesting! I learn something new here — Cool!
samson // July 16, 2008 at 12:47 pm |
me and my mates use a simple integer scale: the number assigned designates the number of pints of human semen that would be drunk in order to secure unconditional sex with the woman in question
Tim // July 16, 2008 at 12:54 pm |
There are three types of attractiveness: beauty, cuteness, and sexiness that are all individual, and could be ranked separately.
If they are in the order, then:
Angelina Jolie 10-4-10
Kate Hudson 7-9-7
Megan Fox 6-6-11
Sarah Jessica Parker 4-2-5
Hayden Panettiere 9-10-6
and the one that makes this interesting
Sandra Bernhart 0-0-5
Though I do like the binary do or no do.
Jim Gardner // July 16, 2008 at 2:08 pm |
Let me tell you something, dude. If you sit around giving scores on women who look like this, you are the problem – not the fix.
dude // July 16, 2008 at 2:10 pm |
Seems a bit inflated: Are there 909 or 010 people? Why not just use face & body rating and independently keep a minimum for both to sleep with that person? E.g., at the beginning of an evening, one might say: “Tonight, I would go as low as 55.”.
dude // July 16, 2008 at 2:23 pm |
You could also add an uncertainty factor as to how much you now about the two components (higher is more unsure):
person in burka: 5-5-9-10
naked person with paper bag over head: 5-y-10-0
person in baggy cloase: x-5-1-9
stark naked person: x-y-0-0
stark naked person in pitch black darkness: 5-5-10-10
stark naked persion in pitch black darkness with who you have bodily contact: 5-y-10-4
and so on
(where x and y depend on what the person actually looks like)
c // July 16, 2008 at 2:51 pm |
Hmmm… could there be such a thing as a 909??
Maybe Carmen Elektra??
No… I still think I’d take a run at her.
berryfamous // July 16, 2008 at 3:20 pm |
Thats thinking outside the box. Can’t wait to put this code into use!
the jadedconformist // July 16, 2008 at 3:30 pm |
Hey, yes – this question was answered.
909 = AIDS.
rtatpi // July 16, 2008 at 4:30 pm |
haha now that is a neat code! I totally agree though lol, SJP’s face kinda ruins the rest of it.
Niles // July 16, 2008 at 4:40 pm |
I’d change the middle digit to be how many drinks it would take before you would consider sleeping with the person.
Hence a 909 would be perfect, while 999 would take care of the AIDS case.
Ghazala Khan // July 16, 2008 at 4:46 pm |
Interview Request
Hello Dear and Respected,
I hope you are fine and carrying on the great work you have been doing for the Internet surfers. I am Ghazala Khan from The Pakistani Spectator (TPS), We at TPS throw a candid look on everything happening in and for Pakistan in the world. We are trying to contribute our humble share in the webosphere. Our aim is to foster peace, progress and harmony with passion.
We at TPS are carrying out a new series of interviews with the notable passionate bloggers, writers, and webmasters. In that regard, we would like to interview you, if you don’t mind. Please send us your approval for your interview at my email address “ghazala.khi at gmail.com”, so that I could send you the Interview questions. We would be extremely grateful.
regards.
Ghazala Khan
The Pakistani Spectator
http://www.pakspectator.com
Clayton // July 16, 2008 at 5:12 pm |
@Jojoo: You are correct sir. Her face is identical to former presidential candidate John Kerry. Also, its really long and shit like the standard model for a typical alien.
CO-ED Magazine » 919 Is The New Perfect 10 // July 16, 2008 at 6:09 pm |
[...] Area Code System is much more complex and accurate because we know not all 7’s, 8’s and 9’s are [...]
the area code rating system « shrimpchopsteve // July 16, 2008 at 6:17 pm |
[...] area code rating system i just randomly found a great post on a blog called put up your dukes. it analyzes our current 10-point rating system for guys and [...]
susie // July 16, 2008 at 6:47 pm |
I notice that none of you guys even thought about the option a number for personality
Eric // July 16, 2008 at 7:34 pm |
Awesome. Just awesome.
jillie26 // July 16, 2008 at 7:38 pm |
I love it. Simple yet discreet.
I love it that a teacher is still using their brain even in the summer.
Erik // July 16, 2008 at 8:34 pm |
ANS=813, an 8, seriously! Her face is @&$&%#. I’d be scared that she would eat me.
El Santo // July 16, 2008 at 8:35 pm |
Wow. This gives that Ludacris song a whole new meaning that is still entirely appropriate. My cellphones gone overload!
Drew Barrymore = 616
Luko // July 16, 2008 at 9:08 pm |
I prefer the
-10-10 scale. A negative -1 through -10 gives ratings a nuance I enjoy. Including decimals is an added benefit.
A simple boolean for whether you’d sleep with a female, IMHO, is not adequate enough.
Nice try.
Tanalei // July 16, 2008 at 9:20 pm |
OMG! I laughed until i cried and I love the area code system. My Beau and I sat around rating people who walked by at the coffee shop we were at when we read this.
lily // July 16, 2008 at 9:32 pm |
I’m a masseuse and my potential clients sometimes want to know what I look like before they make an appointment – forget about what the massage is going to be like. When they pitch up they’ve often got all manner of vile stuff about their physical persons. Just as well women are not so judgemental or guys would never get off the starting blocks.
El Santo // July 16, 2008 at 9:57 pm |
susie: “I notice that none of you guys even thought about the option a number for personality.”
What are you talking about? Kevin up there did just that.
50,000 Hits in Our First Three Days! « Put Up Your Dukes // July 16, 2008 at 11:53 pm |
[...] putting up our first post! This is largely due to the success of Bowzer’s first post, “The Area Code Rating System.” Congrats to Bowzer on being our first author to hit the front page of Reddit! If you [...]
Dave // July 17, 2008 at 4:29 am |
Your Sir Are A Visionary! Even If You Didn’t Invent It!
Flap Blog » Blog Archive » Area code system // July 17, 2008 at 5:20 am |
[...] tonight we practiced the newly discovered area code system. I have to say that it really does fit much better than any regular 1-10 rating [...]
Everyone take note - All The Misc // July 17, 2008 at 6:39 am |
[...] take note The Area Code Rating System: Why 1-10 Just Isn’t Enough Put Up Your Dukes this new system is now in affect __________________ The Golden Rule: Never trust a [...]
Top Posts « WordPress.com // July 18, 2008 at 12:00 am |
[...] The Area Code Rating System: Why 1-10 Just Isn’t Enough POSTED BY: Bowzer I figured I would share a little piece of wisdom that I picked up at the bar this past weekend. I [...] [...]
cecilsandus // July 18, 2008 at 6:44 am |
Ok i’ll rate myself 323 but if we are going to do ZIP code can we include something about penis to equal the tit thing for women? BTW SWM will take any unwanted rejects LOL
BoogieNYC // July 18, 2008 at 1:55 pm |
I like the revision to the typical 1-10 rating, but the bottom line is “look, she’s hot!” That’s pretty much all you need — essentially, it’s not a three- or four-digit number, it’s a yes or no. And if you turn to look that’s almost a yes right there and then.
BTW, while I dig Kate Hudson and really like her personality-wise, she’s far from the hottest woman on the planet — her boobs go inward, Chief.
Do the names Carolina Ardohain, Adriana Lima or Megan Fox ring a bell?
I think Kate’s great and I would love to kick back and hang out with her, but when most American men have bigger boobs than her, that “hottest woman on the planet” thing is a tad much.
However, in keeping with my personal yes/no revision to the 10-scale, she’s definitely a Yes (and I know she now breathes easier tonight
Ugly Because I'm Average // July 19, 2008 at 6:17 pm |
You men are truly sad…insulting and rejecting women who would never give you the time of day anyway. Grow the f@$& up.
PutUpYourDukes // July 20, 2008 at 6:34 pm |
@Ugly Because I’m Average:
Just so you know, This is a site that welcomes both male and female readers. I think if you read the comments above you there are other women who actually enjoyed Bowzer’s article. As always, you are entitled to your opinion.
The Area Code Rating System « Timyeo’s Blog // July 22, 2008 at 9:39 am |
[...] Read more: The Area Code Rating System: Why 1-10 Just Isn’t Enough [...]
Mark // August 18, 2008 at 11:37 pm |
@Ugly Because I’m Average c/o PutUpYourDukes:
Patty, maybe UBIA would like to hear about the Swamp Donkey, Slam Pig, Punch Monkey rating system??
I bet she’s a Swamp Donkey…
WuFather // August 26, 2008 at 2:37 pm |
Dugg for Rosie = 000 … nice!
Republican Girls are Ripe for the Banging « Put Up Your Dukes // November 6, 2008 at 9:53 pm |
[...] conservative girl at the bar that just passes your minumum Area Code threshold is much like a wounded antelope in the grasslands of Africa. Like any self-respecting [...]
polticalgirl // November 13, 2008 at 3:49 pm |
this is great… swamp donkey lol
Dave and Thomas Daily Timekillers » Blog Archive » New Area Code Babe Rating System // November 13, 2008 at 11:36 pm |
[...] Now we all know the inherent problems with the traditional 1-10 rating system. Sure it’s simple, but how do you come up with one number to describe the intricate differences between various people? Surely not all 7’s or 8’s or 9’s are created equal. While some people utilize the decimal system to help with this problem, it just isn’t enough. Now let me introduce you to the area code system. [...]
Eight Things Drunk People Will Never Admit To « Put Up Your Dukes // November 20, 2008 at 9:10 pm |
[...] denial in this situation is extremely powerful. A drunk guy could have his hand up the skirt of a 304 while concurrently looking at me in the face and telling me there is no way he is going to hook up [...]
JL // January 20, 2009 at 2:38 pm |
Not bad I’ve been using this rating since playing pro hockey in 2001… I got a email telling me to check it out, very suprised to see this online. Now i hang with a pretty crazy group of friends and its all about going out and partying hard and pickin up girls… we added to this system over the years and its just with the middle number….
0 – does not exsist… we give 010 ratings its just funny
1 – the obvious
2- anal
4- you would do drugs with her ( for the sketchy looking girls)
8- you wouldn’t wanna do it alone
9- puncher her in the face
A few things you can’t be too generous but you do have to know the difference between a average girl and a ugly one…. another thing is there no such thing as a 10 1 10 brutal and 919’s aren’t givin out generously i’ve only seen a handful of them in the 10 yrs weve been doing this…. plus we have another game called the tic game… its a pretty fun one too….
Pretty and …» Blog Archive » Ratings Systems // February 9, 2009 at 12:14 am |
[...] For more specific examples, go here. [...]
Love Is The Only Proof That The Ugly Could Be Beautiful | Dinhternet // March 1, 2009 at 5:41 pm |
[...] Hot/Crazy Scale or the Attractiveness/Accessibility Scale. A while back, Jeremy J told me about the “Area Code” system, [...]
dAs’s Birthday gathering « Burhan A. Farooqi // March 15, 2009 at 2:45 pm |
[...] was telling my buddies how the area code system of ranking works and we started ranking the chicks who were coming here and there. The best piece of the evening was [...]