The Adventures of James the Pee Walrus

POSTED BY: jmuintx

This is the story of James the Pee Walrus and his hilariously awful adventures. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Well, except for the Pee Walrus. His name really was James. He was a lumbering, 260-pound, oaf of a man who lived in our freshman year dorm in college. He started off the school year as roommates with our good friend Matty, who later opted to move out of his room because of the unsanitary lifestyle to which pee walrus was accustomed.

James was the quintessential, “I’m in college but really shouldn’t be because there are too many temptations and I’m an idiot,” head case. He was always drunk, always begging for people to smoke him out, always looking for free blow, etc. etc. etc. Needless to say he lasted 2 semesters at school, and as far as I know, not many folks have heard from him since.

These are just a few accounts of the ridiculous shenanigans that this poor sap got himself into:

Texting Etiquette

POSTED BY: Bowzer

Text messaging is a wonderful thing. It allows all of us to avoid that awful nonsense of using your telephone to actually talk to people.  Texting lets us have conversations with people in situations where calling is impossible (work, a loud bar, while your date is in the bathroom). They are also a great way to augment your game with the opposite sex. Flirting via text message is a sacred art, and gives guys the opportunity to make use of those smiley faces that in any other context would clearly be the gayest thing ever. While text messages have tremendously improved the quality of my life, the downside is that too many idiots in the world have no clue about proper texting etiquette. Our discussion today will involve the do’s and don’ts of text messaging, so you can avoid being a huge tool that drives everyone insane.

Why Texas Has Ruined Country Music For Me

POSTED BY: jmuintx

I want to make something clear before I start writing this article. I am from Lynchburg, Virginia, which is a medium-sized, middle class town in the central, piedmont region of the state. Here, country music is a moderately big deal and has an average to below average following; a stark contrast to the rest of Virginia, and what I describe as the “wanna-be south.” This is why I believe that while I was growing up, country music was something that I would tolerate always, and celebrate occasionally. 

Insert Witty Caption Here

POSTED BY: PutUpYourDukes

2 GIRLS 1 BUSH

There are just too many possibilities for this picture. Any ideas, readers?

[photo]

My Favorite Saved by the Bell Episode of All Time

POSTED BY: Bowzer

If you ask any twenty-something what their favorite TV shows were as a kid, nearly 100% of all respondents will include Saved by the Bell on their list. When I think about the cast of that show, I learned so much from each of them during my childhood. Kelly Kapowski was my first crush, and she set the expectations for my first girlfriend way too high. Jessie Spano taught me at a very young age that chicks can be a lot to put with, and yet you will do it anyway just to have a girl at the end of the day/episode. Zach Morris was pretty much my fucking idol. Screech Powers showed me that sometimes nerds can actually bring something to the table. A.C. Slater trained me in the art of sitting backwards in a chair to look cool. Lisa Turtle made me realize the importance of being really good friends with rich people. And I know for a fact that every single one of you was dissapointed as shit when you started 9th grade and found out that high school in real life was NOTHING like life at Bayside High.

There are so many classic episodes of Saved by the Bell that it’s tough to choose just one as my favorite. However, to me one episode has always stood out in my mind: “The Last Dance.”

The Tale of Willard, and His Epic Thursday Evening as a Werewolf Crack Monster

POSTED BY: Jam Boy

[names have been changed to protect the innocent, otherwise this story is true and the following emails were written by the author of the post. –PutUpYourDukes]

On Fri, Jul 25, 2008 at 11:50 AM, Jam Boy wrote:
The Tale begins one Thursday evening.

The lights are dim, and I am returning from a bar shift in browntown. I can hear a voice saying something that sounds like a cuss word, or possibly a slur aimed directly at me. From out of the shadows pops none other than Willard, pupils wider than his sockets can fit and a jawline that looks like it can grind diamonds.